In high school, many of us looked up to the so-called “cool kids”—those who seemed effortlessly popular, well-connected, and socially adept. We might have admired or envied their ability to navigate social situations with ease, not realizing that some of the skills they demonstrated can be incredibly useful long after high school ends. While high school popularity doesn’t define success in adult life, there are valuable lessons we can glean from these individuals to improve our own social skills. Here’s how:

1. Confidence is Magnetic

The cool kids exuded confidence—whether they were asking a question in class or leading a conversation at lunch. This confidence wasn’t necessarily about knowing everything but about being comfortable in their own skin. As adults, we often struggle with self-doubt or impostor syndrome, but projecting confidence in social situations makes others feel comfortable around us. We can improve this by focusing on our strengths, practicing positive self-talk, and embracing our unique quirks.

How to apply this now:

  • Stand tall and maintain eye contact in conversations.
  • Speak clearly, even if you don’t have all the answers.
  • Trust that your presence adds value to any group or conversation.

2. They Mastered the Art of Networking

Remember how the cool kids always seemed to know everyone, from different social groups to teachers and staff? They understood the importance of building and maintaining relationships. As adults, networking is critical—not just for professional growth but for building a well-rounded social life. Whether at a work function, a neighborhood event, or a social gathering, having a broad network can open doors, provide support, and enhance our sense of belonging.

How to apply this now:

  • Attend social or professional events with the goal of making at least one new connection.
  • Follow up with people you meet, whether through a quick text, LinkedIn message, or email.
  • Keep relationships warm by checking in periodically—not just when you need something.

A stick figure cartoon illustrating the concept of active listening. It shows one stick figure attentively listening while the other speaks animatedly

3. They Were Great Listeners

Surprisingly, a lot of cool kids weren’t just talkers—they were listeners. They made people feel heard, remembered details, and connected with others on a personal level. In adulthood, one of the best ways to build meaningful relationships is by being an active listener. When we focus on what others are saying, ask follow-up questions, and show genuine interest, we forge stronger, more authentic connections.

How to apply this now:

  • Practice active listening by maintaining eye contact and nodding in response.
  • Avoid interrupting or planning your response while someone is still speaking.
  • Remember details from past conversations and bring them up later—it shows you care.

4. Inclusivity and Being a Bridge Between Groups

Many of the cool kids were known for their ability to move between different social circles. They weren’t necessarily tied to just one group—they could hang with athletes, theater kids, or honors students with ease. Inclusivity is a key social skill we can embrace as adults. Being someone who connects different social or professional groups helps build a more diverse network and fosters a positive environment.

How to apply this now:

  • Introduce friends or colleagues from different areas of your life who might share common interests.
  • Organize social gatherings that include a mix of people from different backgrounds.
  • Be open to new experiences and people outside your usual circle—you never know what new connections might spark.

5. Charisma and Humor Go a Long Way

Many of the cool kids had a certain charisma, often coupled with a good sense of humor. They could lighten the mood in tense situations, make people laugh, and knew how to keep conversations engaging. While charisma might seem like an innate trait, it can be cultivated by being present, using body language effectively, and keeping conversations light and fun when appropriate.

How to apply this now:

  • Use humor to break the ice in new social situations, but keep it light and inclusive.
  • Practice active body language—smile, lean in when talking, and use open gestures.
  • Focus on how you can make others feel good in conversations, rather than trying to impress them.

6. Adaptability in Social Situations

The cool kids were adaptable. They could be spontaneous, adjust to the vibe of the group, and keep up with shifting social dynamics. This skill is incredibly useful as adults, especially in situations that are outside our comfort zone. Whether you’re at a new job, in a different city, or meeting a diverse group of people, adaptability allows you to fit in without losing your sense of self.

How to apply this now:

  • Be open to new social settings, even if they’re unfamiliar.
  • Read the room—understand when it’s time to be serious or when you can be more relaxed.
  • Stay true to your values, but be flexible in how you interact with different personalities.

7. Being Authentic Matters Most

While the cool kids often seemed to have it all together, their authenticity is what truly drew people to them. The ones who remained kind, grounded, and true to themselves often had lasting friendships that extended beyond high school. Being authentic in our social interactions is a key to long-term happiness and meaningful relationships.

**How to apply this now:

  • Don’t try to mold yourself into what you think others want you to be. Be honest about your opinions, interests, and personality.
  • Embrace vulnerability—it’s okay to not have all the answers or to admit when you’re having a tough time.
  • Focus on building relationships with people who appreciate you for who you are, not just what you can offer.

Final Thoughts

The social skills demonstrated by the cool kids in high school weren’t magical—they were grounded in practical, learnable behaviors that we can all adopt as adults. By focusing on confidence, inclusivity, active listening, adaptability, and authenticity, we can enhance our social lives and build deeper, more meaningful connections. Popularity may not be the goal, but mastering these skills can certainly make life a lot more enjoyable and fulfilling.