Small talk often feels like a waste of time for many software engineers. Why chat about the weather when you could be solving problems? But these brief interactions are the foundation of professional relationships that can transform your career and workplace satisfaction.

Today, I’m sharing a practical exercise I call “The Five-Minute Connection” that has helped countless technically-minded professionals turn awkward break room encounters into meaningful connections.

Why Most Engineers Struggle with Small Talk

Many of us in technical fields value efficiency and depth. We’re trained to dive deep into complex problems and find elegant solutions. Small talk feels superficial by comparison—it doesn’t seem to “accomplish” anything tangible.

But here’s the shift in perspective that changed everything for me: Small talk isn’t about the content; it’s about building connection infrastructure. Those seemingly random conversations about weekend plans or lunch options are actually laying the groundwork for trust and collaboration.

We are all connected

The Five-Minute Connection Exercise

This exercise transforms brief interactions into meaningful touchpoints. I recommend trying this at the start an existing meeting so you do not have to schedule anything new and you can naturally transition into the other meetings.

Here’s how it works:

  1. Set a timer for five minutes - This creates a natural boundary that prevents overthinking.

  2. Choose a conversation partner - Ideally someone you work with but don’t know well.

  3. Select one deeper question from this list:
    • “What part of our current project are you finding most interesting?”
    • “What’s something you’ve learned recently that surprised you?”
    • “What’s a tool or approach that’s made your work easier lately?”
    • “What got you interested in software development initially?”
    • “What’s something about our workplace you think could be improved?”

  4. Practice active listening - Your goal isn’t to offer solutions or share your own story yet. It’s to understand their perspective.

  5. Find one follow-up question based on their response that digs a bit deeper.

As the conversation naturally peters out you can move into the existing meeting topics.

Why This Works

The beauty of this approach is threefold:

First, it’s time-bounded. Five minutes feels manageable even for the most introverted among us.

Second, it moves beyond weather and sports without feeling forced. These questions tap into your colleague’s expertise and experiences—topics they’ll likely enjoy discussing.

Third, it creates a foundation for future interactions. Next time you see this person, you have a natural entry point: “Hey, did you figure out that caching issue you mentioned?”

Real-World Results

When I first tried this approach with my team lead, I asked what got her interested in development. What I thought would be a quick answer turned into a fascinating story about how she taught herself to code while working night shifts as a security guard. That five-minute conversation completely changed how I viewed her and gave us a stronger working relationship.

Start Small, Be Consistent

Try this exercise once per week. Keep a simple note on your phone with the names of people you’ve connected with and one key detail you learned. This serves as both motivation and a reference for future conversations.

Remember, the goal isn’t to become the office social butterfly overnight. It’s to gradually build meaningful professional relationships that make work more enjoyable and collaborative.

What five-minute connection will you make this week?

What challenges do you face when trying to connect with colleagues? Share in the comments, and I’ll suggest tailored approaches in my next post.